Quick Draw McGraw this Week

Takers v. Luckepick
Lucky F***er 110 Takers 90

Rojo v. Hash
The fall continues Rojo 100 Hash 92

Fatty v. 69ers
69 on track? 69er 88 Fatty 74

Cow v. Gooner
Cow 93 Gooner 88

Panties v. Bullock
Bull 123 Panties 75

Schlongs v. Raging
On a roll? Schlongs 103 Bulls jr. 89

AD v. Hooli
Does it matter? Hooli 98 Ad 68

Chavez v. Hitter
Stafford plays! Chavez 115 Hitter 101

I waited as long as I could!

Proof that Touchdown Jesus Tebow does answer prayers.

Close Encounters of the 4th Kind!

Week 6 and another 5-2-1 record for the week leaving El Chavez at 16-6-2 overall. Good thing I waited to post this, since the Hooli v. Bulls matchup wasn't declared a tie until thursday...WTF. Speaking of WTF moments, here is a list of the top 5 WTF moments for this year so far.

5. How the hell did we let a yankee infultrate our ranks? When I saw "NY" hitters, I thought maybe AD was playing a cruel joke on everyone...alright man, enough is enough...he really means that he "hits" New Yorkers right?

4. I thought Neal and Bob aka "Luckepick" was back in the league. I swear he drafted....but since his lineup has not changed since the end of september, I've decided that Bang Jr. was in disguise.

3. Hash is 5-1! nuff said!

2. Two F***ing ties in one year. As McNabb said, "I didn't even know it was in the rule book"

1. Drafting TE's in the early rounds, not a smart move....For example only 1 TE drafted in the first 5 rounds...and there were a whopping 10 taken....only 1 (J. Graham) ranks in the top 25 in fantasy scoring for WR/RB/TE....and only 4 of those rank in the top 50. While 4 other TE's not drafted early also rank in the top 50. The run on TE's during the draft is definitely the WTF moment of the year so far.

Now for this weeks picks.

Bullock Toros v. Hashimoto

Matchup features two first place teams, however neither will be at full strength this week. It appears that Hash prefers to leave his QB position open rather than start Gabbert or Whitehurst. (that may be a good idea). Oh yeah.."HASH" Welker is off too" damn dude I think you can at least find "dial-up" somewhere in Sooner nation. The toros are coming a little weak as well, bye weeks hitting the bull in between the horns. I would like Hash to win, if he looked at his lineup, but I don't have faith. The pick is Toros 88 Hash 78

Daddy Fat Sacks v. Rojo

Do we have a 16-0 team this year. Not likely, it's that "time" of the month for Rojo. At least 3 starters on bye's or sitting with injuries. Daddy Fatty looks to ride the "red" flow like Stoops rides a referee's package. The pick is Daddy No Sack 118 The Red tide 98

Cow v. Yanqui bunters

The bovine prostitute grabs the Carson City kid for a one week trist (most likely), in an attempt to stay within "cow chip" tossing range of the playoffs. The Hitters at 74.3 pts per game....yeah that's right....74.3 pts per contest. Wow! We haven't seen numbers like that since Hash's second year in the league. If Palmer starts, Mad Cow gets the win....I'm banking he does. The pick is Cow 98 Yankee go home 58

Raging Calves v. Takers aka luckiest team on the planet.

"Take me home tonight" should be 2-4 at best. In his five victories the opponent has averaged 71 pts per game. His highest scoring game? He lost that one. In his victories he has averaged less than 90 pts per game. If he had AD's schedule he would be 2-4, and if AD had his schedule AD would be 5-1. We haven't seen this kind of luck since....LAST YEAR, when despite only scoring over 100 once in the first 8 weeks The Takers were 6-2. Give it to the baby bulls, they are clawing and scratching and saved a tie yesterday on a stat booboo. Calves have better matchups and touchdown Jesus Tebow, but the Takers are obviously the son of Vader. The Takers use the force again. The pick is Takers 78 Calves 68

Big Underroos v. Hooli I was robbed Dailey

Granny panties might have issues this week, He has more bye's than a bar on 6th street. Plus Eric Decker has looked promising but now that he has Touchdown Jesus Tebow throwing pelicans his way, look for a bit of a slump. Hooligans "claim" they were robbed last week, "the statute of limitations had run out" he claims. However after week 6 we still have two winless teams. Hooli gets off the hook and soils the underroos. The pick is Hooligans 98 Big Brunch 88

Long Shlongs v. Gooner county

Last week the Shlongs proved that healthy makes a difference by getting right v. the commish. This week he gets Gooner county, who prefers to play 6 on 8 each week. Come on Chad, maybe Bank of America will let you log onto yahoo. The Tiny PP's are determined and look to have the better matchups...The pick is LIL Wee's 108 Gooner 88

AD v. 69 bottles of beer on the wall "when is this season gonna end"

I stared at the screen for 10 minutes on this one. I kept waiting to see AD's starting lineup instead of the waiver wire. OH HELL! that is AD's line up. Injuries and illnesses and strange occurences have haunted AD and his little band. Unfortunately the "Suck for Luck tour continues" the pick is 69er 88 AD 68

Chavez v. Luckepick

"knock" "knock" "who is it" "it's me Neal" "open up man I got the stuff" "who is it" "it's me Neal" "who"" its me Neal let me in""Neal" "yeah Neal" "Neal's not here"

Where is Neal, 3 byes in his lineup and one injured player. Don't bank on it this week. Chavez looks for 6-1 and should get it. Promises that the only chance Neal has of winning. Is if he Neals and Bobs on Matt Stafford all saturday night. The pick is Chavez 108 PickNeal 48

Disclaimer Note: This is all in good fun, I hope everyone is enjoying the league. Until next week....May the Pokes neuter the tigers, Neal find his way to a computer on Monday, and Chad finally spring for a smart phone.

Week 5 Player of the Week...

42 points wins it

Third Times a Charm. Sic em "Chavez"

Week 5 was kind to the Matador again, going 5 and 2 with 1 tie. Overall record 11-4-1, better than my fantasy record in any recent year. Week 6 brings return of superman, batman, spiderman, and mighty mouse all in one. TEBONER back on the field, but will "Rage against the dying of the light" take a gamble and put him in the rotation. "What else does he have to lose, "I say". Dignity? Now for the Picks.

Gooners v. Takers
I give up! The gooners pulled off an incomprehensible upset last week. Even though his lineup looked worse than a City of Crescent allstar softball team. The Takers are in a bind this week without Rivers, and Gates still has a hurt "tootsie". Both teams have a better record than they should have. Which causes AD to yell "foul F***ing ball". The Pick is Gooners 92 Takers 72

Bullock Bulls v. Luckepick
Tough loss for the "Bull" last week. reports are that sperm counts all over central oklahoma took a dive after that kick to the "jewels". Bullock faces another opponent this week that has outperformed the roster to this point. Bullock vows to wear a cup this week complete with Tom Brady's face pictured on it. The pick is the Bull 142 Luckeass 92

Rojo v. Hitters
Can I have some? Please? Rojo gets to plow into the Hitters who are on pace to be the lowest scoring team in OFL history, but still manage to be at .500. The matador predicts the beginning of a long slide for the "sucker fish", as the rest of the league looks on enviously at the lucky team that faces the hitters during the bye weeks. The Pick is Rojo 132 Hitters 72

Cow v. Fat Sacks
Julio, Julio, where for art thou Julio. NOT playing this week. Get the hint. Yet Cow still could overcome, that is if Vick limits himself to 3 turnovers and only 3 sacks. Big players have to come up big for Cow, or it could be ugly. Fatty is going to ride Kurt CAMeron, I mean CAMeron Diaz, wait a minute is Cam Newton named for Cameron Texas...it is near Blinndergarten. Tough Pick but the Pick is Fatty 82 Cow 72

0-5 v. 0-4-1
"Two men enter, one man leaves". Or is it "we don't need another hero". As Tina Turner says. Someone is gonna have a win after this week. "whew" Well after last weeks G**D*** tie maybe not. "Despite all my Rage" has some players back from injury and the bad boy from LA decided that Grant was dispensible (HUH...what the H***) C'MON MAN. Hooligans says, "after he was peeing blood, I thought his next stop was "Grant's tomb". The Pick is Raging Woody 102 Hooligans 82

Big Lunch v. 96ers
L. Ron Hubbard surprised me last week by messing in his "panties" and rubbing them in the face of the jersey "Cow". This week he gets a team going in the wrong direction in a hurry....so much so that 69 has become 96. Kurt wants to bring back the Double Tight Wing T, so that he can get the full benefit of his two tight end set. The pick is Big Snack 112 96 problems "but a bitch ain't one" 72

AD v. Long Shlongs
AD has always had a dream to "take on" a long shlong and "beat it" till the finish. He gets his wish this time. But the Shlongs are new and improved Austin back after sex change surgery and Ben gets the JAX. AD says "no way am I going to be 1 and 5" although that was in August. It looks bad for AD this week as well. the Pick is Long Stick 102 AD 92

Chavez v. "Gash"
Could it be that all of the snickering on draft day (Eli in the 3rd, TG in the 4th, and a snatch full of others) was unfounded. So far I am eating "Gash" because of it. But you know what Chavez does to Gash.....he tears into it like Cow into an Arby's sandwhich that's been in the fridge for two weeks. One more win for the hairy "Gash" matches his most wins for a year, Chavez vows not to go down like that.....the pick is chavez 142 Gash nachos 132

Disclaimer Note: This is all in good fun, I hope everyone is enjoying the league. Until next week.... May the Pokes put the "horns" to rest, the Aggies finally beat a ranked team, and Rick and Papa stop dropping starting running backs.

Two Weeks in a row. Ride Chavez Ride!

Well week 4 was a good week to debut. The gunslinger went 6 and 2 on his picks and only killed 8 bunnies during Garcon's push to single handedly lead the "Gooners" to a Monday evening comeback. Ready or not here are the picks for the week.

69ers v. Luckepick

This could be called "brees" vs. the world. Since Luckepick made a deal with the devil to move ahead of all of us in the draft he gets to benefit from Brees' off week being worth 25 points. Unfortunately for him, by this time next year he will be puking up pea soup and his head will be spinning like "Rojo" after an all night trip to XTC. The Pick is Luckepick 110 69ers 85

NY Losers v. Hooligans

I am trying real hard not to say anything about the yankees....NO I'M NOT! What do the yankees and Obama have in common....They both spend a Trillion dollars for a bunch of shit. Okay so I'm not a commedian, but you have to have a sense of humor to understand how the Hitters are 2 and 2 when they have averaged 73 pts per game (Two teams are doubling that). This is an easy one. The Pick is Hooligans 100 NY "hit me in the jimmy's" 50

Bullock Bulls v. Sooners

Thermopylae, Little Big Horn, Wounded Knee, and bulls v. gooners. This matchup will long live in the anals of great beatings. At this time the gooners have fewer available players than there are lineup positions. To see a beating like this one, you need to have a hidden camera in AD's bathroom. Seriously? The Pick is Bullock 133 sooner deads 67

Daddy Fatty v. Takes a Fatty

Cam can't spell cameron, but he can throw it 80 yards in the air. Fatty has a shot, but needs to hope all of his reaches aren't "reach arounds". Takers have a proven lineup and it has been reported that next year he will ask if you can start a TE at QB. The pick is Takers 116 Daddy 100

Raging lambs v. Rojo

Ummm, I told you Mendenhall liked to pick flowers and sniff asses. It just keeps getting worse for the Raging Bulls. This one will be ugly, since Rojo is rolling bigger than my gut after an all you can eat buffet of pizza and Alyssa Milano. Rojo says he may rest everyone but Rodgers and still should win by 20. The pick is Rojo 140 Raging panda's 80

Big Breakfast v. Cow

No one likes "big panties" more than Cow, and this week should be no exception. With the return of Foster, Cow has declared this a super bowl run. The waiver wire wizard (laron) will fall shorter than an Oompa Loompa trying to reach the door handle at Farmers and Merchants bank of Crescent. (Come on Chad, I thought Obama gave you guys money to fix that). The Pick is Cow 112 XL panties 105

Long Shlongs v. Hash

Matt is like the Detroit lions. Suck for 15 years and now ready to pounce. This week he gets the "limp sticks" who are reportedly negative 26 inches long. When I opened this matchup, I swallowed my double cheeseburger whole due to the surprise that dirty Sanchez was yet again in the lineup. Oh well, even fat boys get laid sometimes, so I guess Sanchez might have a good game by December 21, 2012. I think it will be a date much closer to Armageddon so the Pick is Hash 140 Shlongs 93

Chavez v. AD

One of the most storied rivalries in Okie Football history. AD has owned me lately, winning 8 of the last 11, but I have......well......I have Run DMC this year. And Chavez says "Walk this way" to your next whoopin. AD is banged up and starting half of the raiders offense....luckily I have the better half. In a week of mismatches this may be the biggest one. The pick is chavez 125 AD 75

Disclaimer Note: This is all in good fun, I hope everyone is enjoying the league so far this year. Until next week...May the Pokes keep winning, the Sooners all go to jail, and Jimmy keep asking why Mendenhall keeps sniffing asses.

Record setting performance...

There's good... and there's bad...

-26 sets the new single game worst performance

Week 4 Player of the Week.

65 points wins it...

If you are wondering and too lazy or ignorant to click the Records tab to find out yourself... Rodgers score tied for 2nd highest in league history (Brady, Vick).

Week 3 Player of the Week.

19 rushing yards, 16 receptions, 217 receiving yards, and 2 TDs

Hopefully a Weekly Thing!

Here are the week 4 matchup predictions from Chavez y Chavez "Did you see the size of that chicken"

69ers V. Hash
My heart wants to pick 69ers in this one especially since Hash is starting "half a Mann child" Eli. But Sims Walker and Burress wouldn't make most teams Roster. The Pick is Hash 124 to 85

NY Hitters V. The Takers
Lots in common for the team names for these two squads. Both are referencing groups that like to take it in the browneye. Rivers and Jennings will probably win this one for the "reaper" as Ben Rothlisberger spends more time on his back than the girl who earned me this nickname. The Pick is The Takers 101 Ny Hitters 87

Los Rojos V. Luckepick
Battle of the two F&&&ing QB's I wanted. I need Rojo to lose but Luckepick is starting Addai, Cribbs, and the New England Defense????? Hell, Chad has better players than that. The Pick is Rojo 142 Luckepick 73 in the Rheeming of the Week.

Daddy Fat Sacks V. Hooligans
This matchup pits two teams who had high expectations, but are now only experiencing "home grown" highs. Fat Sacks has tough matchups and Hooligans is banged up...This will be the "Who's QB scores the most contest" I think the short fatty. The Pick is Daddy Fat Sacks 72 Hooligans 69

Bulls V. Bulls
This is easy "Bulls win". Actually Bullock should win, (even though he wants to trade two of Chad's pubic hairs for Run DMC and a player to be named later). This should be an epic mismatch. Raging will soon learn why Mendenhall is on my "never, never, never" again list. The Pick is Bullock 135 Raging 82

Short Shlongs V. Big Panties
If you start Indy players you will most likely loose, but Wayne is their only player worth a Fantasy wet dream. Yahoo predicts this too be close, but Big Panties has too many roadies. The Pick is Medium Shlongs 102 Big Thongs 89

AD V. Cow
Two of my favorite targets, AD has recently put up his ring of honor from Championships won so long ago, that it was before my nuts had dropped. Of course...I would give one of those Nuts for at least one "Ship". As long as Hillis is over the "clap" and Vick keeps getting hit harder than a 5th street hooker AD should get back to 500. The Pick is AD 108 Cow 83

Chavez V. Gooners
My favorite matchup of the year. And I am coming strong, I have sewed my dual Stafford "on the front" Run DMC "on the back" Jersey together, and I am riding that pony to the whorehouse. I have solid matchups everywhere and the "gooners" could struggle to reach 50 again. By the way how many people lost their cookies when Chad said "Im keeping Dez". The only time I laughed harder was when NY Hitters offered me "Randy Moss" in a trade. The Pick is Chavez 130 Gooners 90

Disclaimer Note:
This is all in good fun, I hope everyone is enjoying the league so far this year. Until next week...May the Pokes keep winning, the Huskers keep whining, and the "gooners" keep asking for that sex change.